This of all things

My Dearest Universe,

Of anything I might try to explain to the world, this I know you would understand. Universal Sibling, very similar operating systems installed on slightly different computers. You of all souls would get what I'm saying. Sometimes, I just don't feel like talking. Or maybe it's empty conversation and small talk that I just don't feel up to. Either way, I just don't have the energy. And not a lot of people in my real life want to discuss fate, existence, and the universe... It's too heavy, I guess. That or simply nobody wants to be my therapist for free or wants me to be Doctor Wie for them. The least comfortable place in the universe is anywhere I feel unwanted. If I can't bring sunshine, I don't want to be anyone's dark cloud. Bummer for them, bummer for me. If I can't brighten a room, then I don't really wish to be there. And, as Cronkite used to say long ago and far away, that's the way it is. So... Hell no, I won't go. Power to the people, Musclehuggahs! It doesn't happen every day, or even every week. It tends to wait until I'm off my guard. But, damn I sure hate it when it happens. Some moments of time never end. It could have happened decades ago, but it'll drop by once in a while and say hi. I hate flashbacks, don't you? Spicy, spicy deja vu. Present day, a quick detour to hell, and back again. No, I don't actually freak out outwardly. The moment is brief, one second or two at the most. Just a quick daymare and back. Then I'm okay... Aside from wishing I could delete memories as if my brain were a computer. The mind is quite something. Clean cup move down. Do certain people speak with forked tongues? You bet their sweet assets, they do. They say they don't want to be objectified, then they go and objectify themselves. And while appealing to the most basic aspects of perception may all too quickly grab my attention (before the rest of my brain kicks into gear) It doesn't really have any staying power beyond line of sight. Why? Because there's no real substance behind it. Ah, but when there's more, as in a beautiful soul behind that pretty face, a person who's faced challenges and has won against the odds, and is just uplifting to talk to and be around... Someone whose smile is so brilliant that you want to cheer them up just to see it.... Someone who touches the heart and challenges the mind.... Well then you had me at hello, Angel.... Damn... In my freaking dreams is the only soul I really want to ge around. Do you ever feel like the universe is trolling you? It's like the proximity was almost okay (could have been closer), yet the soul was absolutely right, but the time, place, and circumstances were absolutely wrong? Yes, Universe, that was technically my wish, but that wasn't exactly what I meant. Oh well.... Moving right along. Normally, I wake up to beeps, but this morning, I woke up to BOOM!!! You know that big tree limb above my bedroom I was so worried about? Worry no more. It was a little after 3am, and the Great Cosmic Wie was in a deep, beautiful, wonderful sleep when suddenly, BLAM! Luckily, there is no damage that I can tell. It's just a wide awake zombie space cadet. Apparently, it bounced off the roof and landed in the front yard. Made a hell of a noise, though. But it's all good now. Someone used to say to me that things have a way of working out for the best. And yes, I have seen it happen for many things. Still, for others, I wonder. Time is a most relentless predator. Do you ever feel as though time is running out? Our hopes and dreams are nothing more than those woodland creatures across from the tall grass. Time will pounce. It is not a matter of if but when. Welcome to Mutual Of Wie's Wild Kingdom. May it not be a super short episode. May all da bunny wabbits happily fwolic in the forest for a long time, Hahahahaha! It's not dirty, it's ewotic, hahahaha! What the hell, Elmer? Dude! Cwean Cup. Move down, you waskaly wabbits! Yep. It's already time for a subject change. A little over a decade ago, I discovered visual novels, and I fell in love. They were the best escape from reality I had discovered so far. At least they used to be. I can't seem to fade into the character like I could back then. It was so wonderful to just be someone else for a while. Of those, I had my favorites, unforgettable characters that almost seem real to this day. Sadly, while I still have them saved in my digital collection, I doubt I'll ever play them again. I just can't fade like I used to, and revisiting them would only shatter whatever illusion I may have left. It was a most wonderful escape and a most beautiful time when I really needed it. It's sad that it's over. I saved everything, yet what I couldn't preserve was the feeling I had back then. Ah, to fall in love with a beautiful escape or a beautiful soul, it is so sad to let go. That's just gone, never to return. At least a beautiful sunset happens more than once. Ah, yes, sunlight, dust particles, water vapor, reflection, and refraction: Quite beautiful, yes. A joy to behold. But it's the work of nature and not of some supernatural being. That very fact should add to the beauty, for the right elements came together before your eyes. It doesn't always happen that way. Enjoy. Appreciate it. But if I'm wrong, how about instead of making art, why not consider bringing back my angel? I need her more than even omniscience could ever know. Ah, but I guess that's part of the universe trolling me, to have them in my life, but not as a true part of this life with me. Why not shout out, "Psych!" While you're at it? Good show, Cheerios, and Post Toasties! Jolly, jolly, good. Fine trolling indeed. You'd put the YouTube comment section to shame. Okay... Random chance with the lack of any supernatural being can be and is troll enough. We can't expect all our ducks to file into a row automatically. Quack Quack! So close yet forever beyond my league. I find myself down in the depths like Captain Nemo. My Cherie Amour. How I wish that angel were my angel. I would give up my soul to be close to that other... Laugh, troll, laugh. Believe me, I take no offense, for I, too, understand how dumb and silly I sound. My heart kicked my brain out of the drivers seat quite a few miles back. Now it's driving me crazy. Or maybe I've already arrived. I am Napoleon, Emperor of France. I demand a room with a view! Excuse me, Miss? I am Abraham Lincoln. Is this my Gettysburg address? Four score and like uhhhhh seven years ago, I scored, uhhhh huh huh huh huh! Mike Judge really missed an opportunity there, didn't he? Oh well. Clean cup move down. Have you ever felt that you could sleep around the clock, if you had the time? And would you feel that even that might not be quite enough? The older I get, the sweeter sleep becomes. It seems to be a tiny slice of heaven. The only thing that would make it even better would be being next to someone I love. There's no better lullaby than the beat of a heart I have hoped to win all this time. In all the time I've loved them, but I shouldn't be daydreaming, should I? But, heck, just pure sleep under a fan with just myself and my pillows is fantasy enough these days. Sleep, sweet, sleep. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Plan Z is lemon scented. Ah, to dream about dreaming. How wonderful that would be? That is my true fantasy, friends, Romans, robots, and strangers... Just to sleep. Yes, the older I get, the simpler my dreams become, and the sweeter sleep feels. The only thing lacking is the love I crave. I guess the years have proved I can live without it, for I am still alive. My diversions keep me happy some of the time. My responsibilities keep me busy and give me less time to think, a lot of the time. Every sunset is the end of yet another one of my days. It is rare any human being knows how many are left. When they do, it's never a good thing, my friends. No man knows the day or the hour, the Bible says. And the dead know not. I find myself on the downhill side of things at the very least. I don't plan on going anywhere. I've got too much to do. I guess it never really ends so long as this old heart keeps beating. So, as Freddy said to Nancy, I'm here. I don't know for how much longer, but I'm still here. I hope maybe it means something. I hope that maybe I mean something. I hope that this whole freaking floor show meant something. I would hope time in the universe would be precious and spent accordingly. For some reason, for all random chance, against great probability, here I stand. Here I remain beyond the loss of the most precious souls I have ever known. Here I am with yet another hopelessly out of reach. And all I really want to know is why.