The Wonderful Wizardry Of Off

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain, or to that noise upon your screen! I am the Great And Powerful Button Of Off! Indeed, there is a certain power to that power button that few these days realize. The importance of the off button can never be understated. Too many of us (including myself) often forget that it is there, just waiting to be pressed. It's like new magic for the 21st century. It makes the illusion, the hype, the noise, the political rantings, the obnoxious selling of shit, the posturing, the posing, the propaganda public relations campaign, the manipulation, the attention seeking, and all the chaos and insanity go away. You only need to press it. The power is in your hands. Just turn it off. That is the key. Turn it off and let the silence descend. Unlike Timothy Leary, I say you've gotta tune out and turn off. Then, you can finally tune into your own thoughts. You might get to know yourself better. "Are you sure you want the key?" Because this is the way to set yourself free. Because then you get to be in charge of your own beliefs and programming. Otherwise, it's them. You get to choose the right and wrong of it all, and whether the crap they're selling is even worth the headache that all that shilling is giving you. The off button is pure wizardry, magic within your reach. Never forget that it's there. Social media plays a terrible game of duality. They are either showing me beauty beyond my dreams, or they're showing off ugliness to the Nth degree, people being cruel to each other, fights, shouting, the absolute worst of humanity. That is the noise, ladies and gentlemen. Some say detachment is unhealthy. I say the health greatly depends on what you're detaching from. Maybe it takes a few decades to learn the difference. Or maybe it takes a long list of ill effects that come with not being able to let go when you damn well know you should. I know nothing but how I feel. I still find letting go to be very difficult with certain things and certain people that I love. Sometimes the lesson sticks with me. Other times it eludes me. I claim no expertise, merely experience. Silence can bring loneliness, but it can also bring clarity. It is much easier to think away from all the noise. In the silence, of course, I think of you, Universe. Actually, I woke up this morning thinking about you. It's nothing new. I always do. It is quite literally your face that I see when I first open my eyes. Frozen in time, in a frame on my wall, along with many other reminders of you, of Momma, of Dad, of everything that was, of everything I wish still were. I fight off sleep, I force myself up to face the day, and so the day begins, and so the time goes. There are places to go, things to do, bills to be paid, and so I go, and so I do. Then the day ends and I come back home. Weary of the day, weary of this long night, just before I close my eyes, there you will be again, the last face I see. There are many varieties of being alone. From the absence of family, the absence of friends, dear ones loved and lost through time. From that aspect, these last few years have introduced such feelings I have never before known. As for the more familiar loneliness, that I have known for the majority of my adulthood. Welcome to Outer Friendzonia. I, the Great Cosmic Wie, will be your guide. There's no need to look doubtful. I can assure you, ladies and gentlemen, that nobody is more familiar with this territory than I. Being the remote desert that it is, I am often asked directions on how to get here. It's simple. Be a nice guy. Don't be a jerk. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Have empathy. They absolutely hate that kinda stuff. There is no need to worry about lions, tigers, and bears. They're all out on dates, LOL! Still, I'd say this is the most peaceful place on earth. No stress. No drama. No worrying about saying the wrong thing. Self-reliance has a greater presence here than self-pity. Here, we learn to believe in, rely on, have faith in, and finally trust ourselves with our own lives. That is the upside once you learn the lay of the land. And peace, my friend, is a precious thing. There seem to be too many people out there who thrive on chaos. They take to those stormy waters like insane ducks. And they love it. Rocky relationships are just the beginning. There's also high horses, soap boxes, and politics. Some people love the storm. I prefer the gentle rain. I prefer to live apart from the chaos whenever I can. Now for the first of many clean cup move down's. I used to enjoy watching true crime videos on YouTube before the dark times before the AI made up slop. I doubt I am the only one to research a case online after seeing the video. And there used to be a treasure trove waiting. There still is for the old videos, not only the articles in the local newspapers, but interesting footprints of the perpetrators, namely a blog and a YouTube channel for one of them, a wife and mother who had her husband murdered. But also other traces, web pages in the internet archive, and on and on, traces of lives forever changed or forever gone. Those bullshit AI slop videos have ruined that. The entire internet has gone to shit, my friends. The unique way I once enjoyed it is going the way of the dinosaur. Cloudflare is ruining all my sites for game levels with its overly aggressive filters. I don't even try to save the pages on those sites anymore like I used to. I only go for the levels, and even then, I've got to prove I'm not a freaking robot 4 or 5 times, just from browsing. Like I said, it's all going to shit. Clean cup move down. When overtly religious Ned Flanders appeared before Homer Simpson as the devil himself, he said it's always the guy you least suspect. But for me, it's the exact one I'd most suspect. I have seen many examples in my lifetime of over the top religious people having something evil to hide. Not all religious people, mind you, because I also know a pastor who is straight from the heart with his message, a good man, trustworthy, and honest. Even I who has such difficulty in faith can't help but respect him, and what he's trying to do. But as for most over the top religious folks, I do not trust. Especially when I am picking up Jim Jones vibes. Just because you can quote Bible verses does not make you a good person. We all have our good side and our darker side. Most of us don't require a religious cloak to hide them. Only monsters take refuge under beds and hide in closets. So, Ned, you would have been my very first guess. Clean cup move down. Social media is one hell of a mess. The people I may know, either I don't know or wish I didn't. At least the ex-wife doesn't show up there anymore. Though that's because she friend requested me and I ignored it. I'd rather be friends with the devil himself. He might even prove more trustworthy. Someone else has been showing up in that list in her place, though. She has one thing in common with my ex, and one thing only, and that happens to be, well..... me. Unlike with the ex, my feelings are far more complicated with this one... Even if I am mainly over everything these days... She was unforgettable in many aspects. Some of us have difficulty separating different kinds of closeness. Either this is a failing on my part, or maybe it is just built-in to some of us human beings that to be close physically is to be close emotionally, too. Talk about flashing back. The way the moonlight illuminated her face is not an image I can erase so easily in my mind. Still, time has changed, and like Axl Rose once sang, I already left you, and we're better off left behind. There's nothing like social media to dig up old memories and to drag all those skeletons out of the closet. People you may know... Oh, I knew her better than most. On to lighter matters, They have also once again suggested Double Margarita, but I must respectfully decline. Hey, she's pretty and all, don't get me wrong, but all I can see in that future is one hell of a hangover and a lot of regrets. Also, I seem to have a parody of the Macarana stuck in my head. Hey, Margarita! Sadly, I already feel hungover enough, and I haven't drank a drop in weeks. What the hell is up with that? It's zombie me again. I don't get it. it was 1, 2, 3, knockout! when I hit the pillow, but I feel like I stayed up all daggum night. I need a pick-me-up. While 1892 Coca-Cola is doctor (Freud) recommended, I hear it just might be just a bit habit forming, so that's out. I ain't Popeye, so spinach is out, too. (Why the hell did they fight over Olive Oyl anyway) She's like I-10 in the desert. No coives. Go onshore and find Betty Boop, for goodness sake! A-wha? Where was I? Ah, yeah..... Coffee, coffee, coffee. Brains! More brains! A is for Alpha. Z is for zombie. B is for BRRAINZ! I am just a lonely zombie in this hallway. You know?Sometimes the struggle is real, ladies and gentlemen. But I do have to say that aside from missing so many of the people that I love, my life in general is far better than it was ten, twenty, and thirty years ago. If only I could bring them back and it would be near perfect. Missing them is the hard part, but I keep them with me in whatever ways that I can. I have also gotten better at filling the moments that can be all too quiet, with the things that make me happy. Better too at believing in myself enough to know it's going to be alright, one way or another. Yes, I still complain, but really, it's okay. I am doing far better than I ever thought I would. I still have my problems, but I suppose everyone else has them, too. Clean cup move down. I am sure this is true with a lot of people, but when I love someone, I can't explain it. I just do. Love is not a list, but a presence in my heart. I can deny a lot, except when it's for them. For them, I can deny nothing. And it is not for expectation of anything changing about being in the freaking outer Mongolia of the friend zone. I know she'll never love me, but still, if she asked for the moon, I'd be trying to figure out how to burgle it from the sky... Poetically speaking, of course. The real moon is a bit too big to hide. Also, there is still no air on the moon. Bummer. If the feeling were mutual, we'd be together. Ah, but they're not, so we're not. Still, I treasure her friendship, and still, there's not much that I could deny her. Illogical feelings, illogical thoughts. Thought leads to thought, concept leads to concept, a nice little daisy chain of randomness from neuron to neuron. Some call it creativity. Yeah, let's leave it at that. Cree eight Tiv-ity. Might be why I write it down. Although I've got a feeling my illogical thinking would give Spock a migraine. PAIN!!!!! Unfortunately, with me, the son of Sarek will always need an aspirin. Ah, but it keeps me from being boring. A logical leap does tend to liven up the party and keep things interesting. Probably the only one who would laugh out loud at my Star Trek jokes would have been my dear baby sister. Still, here goes for the rest of the world. If Michael Dorn as Commander Worf would do a spoken word version of two particular songs, Scandal's "The warrior", and Pat Benatar's "Love is a battlefield", that would be the most awesomely laughing on the floor hilarious thing I'll ever hear in my life! A-wha? Where was I? Riiiiight. Carry on. How about yet another clean cup move down? Rather than shouting into the void, I prefer talking normally into the void. It makes the echo more intelligible, not to mention still being in my smooth silky voice... Also, the void appreciates my choosing it, rather then being a deejay on Easy Listening 105.. Related story: There once was a lovely lady who used to call me on the telephone, and nearly all of our conversations ended with her falling asleep. Good thing? Bad thing? I don't know. But she had the cutest little snore I've ever heard. Ancient history, but it still brings a smile. I suppose at a certain point, it all becomes nothing but memories. Life is like Jeopardy. Most of us never ask the right questions, and end up having to settle for the home game and a free copy of Encyclopedia Britannica. You know, if wishes were horses, I'd be John Wayne. I wish I could be your answer, everything you ever needed. I wish I were that key. I wish I were the answer. But I will never know. There is the vision. There is the daydream. But, then there is the human being. Then there is knowing the difference in my mind. There is no deception but for my own, for it is I who saw the dream, not reality. And my biggest wish is to find something between dreams and reality. Nothing would make me happier. I'd give everything, yet I would want for nothing, but for the one, only for the one. I guess what fills this old heart with sorrow is that I shall never get a chance for the only one worth trying for. How much is reality? How much is illusion? How can I know when I so often wonder how well I even know myself? I often feel a need for that clarity that silence brings. That brings me back to that all powerful off button. It's hard to hear your own voice in the midst of so much noise. Letting go is a skill I have not learned well. Letting go of the past, of the good and the bad memories, of the people I loved and lost, but the most difficult is letting go of the distractions that have so far, drowned out these thoughts I do not wish to think, these feelings I do not wish to feel. Silence invites a voice. Silence invites regret. Silence invites loneliness and the emptiness of unrequited love. And the tough part is wondering if these completely real feelings are for a genuinely real person. Or did I conjure in my mind a dream based on that very real human being? Questions and doubts with noise all around. I should take a long break from all the noise to figure out these feelings, to face all I have been avoiding. The off button is within my reach. I only need to find the courage to press it. Does my angel truly have a name?