I guess a little context is in order. I have often in my life kept some kind of a journal. Writing is the way I deal with my thoughts and feelings. It is also the best way I express myself. On the day I began this blog, I deleted all my older stuff. Why? Because I lost my baby sister and best friend on January 23, 2022. The self I was ended on that day. The self that I am began. I honestly felt that everything I had ever written before was just irrelevant. My little sister was only 40 years old. After a couple attempts at trying to talk about all the emotions, all over the place in this old heart of mine, I decided at first to write a series of letters to my sister. Later as I more and more considered her to be a forever living part of this universe, my letters to my sister became my letters to the universe. Make no mistake, I am still writing to her. In my mind, Hello Universe, Hello, Sister, and Hello, Marsha are all saying the same thing. This is also about my long journey from that dark day, a journey I am far from finished. It is a journey that will most likely continue until I join her where she is. I am making my best effort to bring back as much of my old self that I can. That's part of this journey, rediscovering exactly who that is. It is a very long story, but I have plenty of time and plenty of words. This blog is dedicated to my beloved sister, guardian, warrior, and best friend, Marsha Kent Rodriguez.
I love you forever, Sis.
Previously it was December 31, 2008, The day my ex-wife abandoned me without warning like an empty soda can in a convenience store parking lot. Even before that, It was November 2, 2004 when I got into that car accident. But no more, no more... January 23, 2022. Behold the winner and new champion of the worst day of this life...
At 5:18 pm Eastern Time January 23, 2022, I lost someone very special to me. I was there and I saw it happen, but even then part of me keeps denying it is possible, That the phone will ring and it will be her on the other end, Either just wanting to chat or really needing someone to talk to, and we'll spend our usual hour or more going from subject to subject, from the serious to the outrageously silly. That was us, really. There is no way I stood there in that hospital room, covered in protective gear, while the room seemed to get smaller and smaller, and just watched as my baby sister slipped away. Surely this was all a bad dream, right? Right? There is no way something this horrible could be in fact, reality?
The following is a little something I wrote last night that I have decided to share here.
It has been a little over three hours. It doesn't seem right, you know. You were the one person on this earth that truly understood me. We kinda had very similar inner wiring, the same nerves. I swear you could almost read my thoughts. We even joked about how I was your stunt double. Remember how we used to groove to The Beatles? remember the two VHS tapes we wore out the most? The Star Trek Viewers Choice Marathon and 6 hours of The Beetlejuice cartoon? Remember how you got me started on Futurama? Remember sitting in Mom and Dad's front yard listening to the NCC-1701D bridge sound effects on my kickass car sound system. Remember "There's a cat approaching. Captain" "On screen". Remember at Tallahassee Community College, Playing the Character of Emily in "Our Town" with me sitting proudly in the audience saying. "That's My Sister." Remember us watching "Revenge of the Sith" at the theater in 2005? Remember us going to watch Avenue Q? What about that Celtic Festival back in 2002? What about when you introduced me to Gordo's and Prime Time? Remember the crazy voice impressions we used to do on tape? Damn it. I wasn't ready to let you go. I love you so much. Who will I talk to about the things only you would understand? Who will I talk to about the cool stuff we both liked? What am I to do knowing you're not just a phone call away. I miss you terribly. A part of myself is gone. I love you so much sis.
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