Hey, Sis It's me again.
So soon? Yeah, yeah, I know. I can't really motivate myself to do anything else. Can't really think of anything else. Just you. I went and ran a few errands for Dad, this morning, His groceries, his meds, and yadda yadda Yoda. I managed to get a few things for myself and your nephews, too. I had planned on putting off my own errands for maybe another week. I've just got no motivation at all. It seems I'm letting everything around me fall apart. I guess I'll get better as time goes by. That's what people do, right? Right now, I really can't say. There is this void in my soul. You're irreplaceable. There is nothing that could occupy my mind or fill my heart in those empty places left behind. I miss you so much. I love you and I always will. So long as my soul exists, no matter where, how, or in what form, I will always love you. It is not only what I think or how I feel. It is who I am. It is my very essence, It is my true being, part of who I am, a part of me as you too are a part of me. I will carry that with me for as long as I exist, in whatever way that I exist. I know you would have stayed if you could, Just like I would have saved you if I could. I think of all the times you stood up for me. You were the best guardian ever. You were like Alice Johnson in our favorite Nightmare movie. Kindhearted and caring, but a total warrior for those you loved. Commander Worf would have been proud, and so am I. Of you, yes. But of me? I just don't know. You were my guardian, And I was supposed to be your guardian. Part of the big brother job description. But, I could not save you. I could not protect you. And that's what really hurts. I am so sorry. The fact that I couldn't is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Now, I know what you would say, and yes, you're right, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I know that's not what you would want, And I promise, Sis, I'll try to be better about that. But, I just can't right now, not yet. Maybe in time.
I have another errand to run later today and it involves both you and our sister. It's not something I am really looking forward to, But I would be a very lousy brother to you both if I didn't. I want to be worthy. I want to live up to everything you said I was. I know this is a bit of a crazy request, but if there is any way you can reach us both, we're really going to need you today. I know I must sound like I'm losing my marbles, and maybe I am. As I said, It always seem to me that you could almost read my thoughts. We were like the same operating system, just on different computers. We didn't always need words to know what the other was thinking. There was very little that I could hide from you. If something was wrong, You had this knack for knowing exactly what it was. We should have went on one of those game shows or something. I think we'd clean out the cash. We'd be top hat and monocle rich. Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon? Indeed, I do: Those blasted pigeons!
Something that I've been dreading, Sis, Is I'm going to probably have to get back to work next week. Those bill collectors would have their hand out even if the world were ending. And, in some ways, It kinda did end. It's not exactly the work I dread, but the people. They're going to want to talk about things that I don't. I honestly hope nobody brings up any political crap. Yes, yes, I'll try my best not to shout, but this was never political, and now it's personal. I disliked that nonsense before I lost you, But now I have an extreme hatred for it. It does not matter which camp the jibba jabba comes from. All people ever do is run their mouths and all that hot air did not save my little sister. They are free to talk among themselves, but they's just better not involve me. Sorry for ranting like that, Sis. This is not what these letters are supposed to be about. My emotions are just all over the place, I feel sad, lonely, depressed, sometimes numb, and sometimes angry. Though where this anger should be directed, I really don't know. Just know that within all of this is my extreme love for you. I think that's why I feel so strongly in all these other ways. I just love you. And I feel that this was not supposed to happen. You deserved better. Your story should have had many more chapters. We should have been able to see each other with hair as white as Doc Brown's. You were going to show me how to play The Sims. All this cool stuff should have been ahead of us.
I started this second letter hoping that maybe I could distract myself by talking about more of my favorite memories with you, But it seems I have rambled on about other things. I'll try for that next time. Meanwhile, I've got to rest up (If I can) for that errand I was telling you about earlier. Just please know I love you. I always have and I always will. There is a place in this old heart made only for you. I will never forget you. You will always be there.
Your Bro
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