Thinking Out Loud

 Well, hello again. How are you, Universe? As for me, I'm just sitting here killing time. It just happens to be Michael Myers time again. Poor Doctor Loomis. I'll bet he knows the misery of futility. No matter how he tries, Mike is always back with a Roman numeral to boot. As Simon Phoenix said, Damn! Like a New York cockroach! There is no getting rid of him. In other words, it's going to be another long day. Money wise, I've got a feeling this is gonna be one lousy birthday month. I've been spending money left and right, doctor visits, medicine, vehicle tags, yadda yadda yoda. I just made my car payment this morning. I barely covered the bottom of the grocery cart and still spent over a hundred and fifty dollars. This inflation sucks, especially when my own pay isn't inflating along with every damn thing else. My finances are like a rubber band stretched near the limit. Something very soon is gonna have to give. I could care less about this political bullshit being batted back and forth, nor am I a fan of those same two morons that will probably be on the ballot again. I do care about my bottom line, though.  Money may not be everything, but it sure as hell is something. And how close I've been cutting it sure makes a difference for my stress level. And if it is again a choice between dumb and dumber at the polls next year, then to hell with it. Okay, okay, it is most definitely time for another clean cup move down. I finally finished my well trail that I started last weekend, so no jungle gymnastics are required to get to my well if I need to. Pith hats and stereotypical safari voices remain optional, my jolly good fellows, Cheerios, and post toasties. No lions, tigers, or bears were sighted in the making of this trail. I'm glad I got good news from my doctor. I want to keep making progress. Hopefully, I will, but today's been tough, as in free doughnut and hungry monster being a major beast tough. Rawr! In other news, I think my Dad had a good 75th birthday. I dropped by after my appointment. My aunt was there, two of my kids were there, and my one remaining sister was there, too. We had a weird coincidence. It turns out she and I had gotten Dad the exact same birthday card. I guess we've got similar tastes in birthday cards. My grandparents' birthdays are coming up next. My Grandma would have been 108, and my Grandpa would have been 117. After that is my own, and let's just say it's a slightly disheartening milestone. After that is Marsha, Dear Marsha, who would have been 42. Then my other sister's is a few days after that. My mother's is in February. She'd be 75 next year. Her mother's, my Granny Sasser's, was in October. She'd be 101. My aunt is older than my Dad by 6 years, so she'll be 81 next month. And all three of my kids are November babies. My birthdays have been quite lonely, not hearing from Marsha, not hearing from Momma. I probably already said I have decided to just go into work on mine. I'd rather be dealing with my job, then sitting home, staring at those four walls, and just wanting to cry. I took that day off last year, and I instantly regretted doing so. I'm still here, and they're not. And I'm also hitting that depressing milestone when I can't exactly pretend I am not getting old, myself. So, yeah, work it is. I am going to say it again as though I haven't expressed it many times before: I miss my sister. She was the one human being who understood me best. No, we couldn't exactly read each other's minds, but we were wired similar enough that we each could each make good guesses about the other. What could have taken a whole book to explain to the world, took maybe a sentence or two spoken to her. I didn't have to fear being misunderstood or being harshly judged. Understand this, modern people: Even more important than your safe places is a safe person you can actually be yourself around. I consider our kinship beyond merely biological, but also spiritual, and of the universe, sister of my soul, siblings beyond the confinement of this earth and this life. I miss my baby sister, even if there are moments when she doesn't seem so far away. She is that universe I am writing to here. Damn. Here I go, hurting myself again. It seems I start writing, and it all comes out, that which is never far below the surface. The most painful form of love is that which no longer has anywhere to go. I think that maybe it is time for another clean cup move down. Have you ever heard of a sad hatter? Of course not, Alice! Not when you've got to be the life of the mad tea party. A very merry unbirthday to you. Otherwise, I'm tired, I'm grouchy, and I miss my bed like a long-lost lover. Oh Pilleow, Oh Pilleow, where for art thou? Shall I compare thee to a late summer's dream of dreaming? There have been too many slings and arrows, and Michael Myers, too. Rest I need. Earned it I have. Though, a lousy Jedi I would make. Just call me Darth. 

Something interesting happened just now. I rarely answer my phone if I don't know the number. But, this time, it said "Restricted," and many years ago during that whole 2009 drama, that turned out to be the cops. Yes, the real cops. So I answered. Turns out it was a scammer claiming that I've won 4.7 million dollars and a new Mercedes from "Publisher's Clearing House", At which point I told them they'd have to find somebody dumber than me to scam. Besides, Ed McMahon promised me 10 million, and I wanted a Lamborghini. Or maybe a Ferrari. How the hell else am I gonna cosplay as Sonny Crockett? Anyway, I won't be answering restricted anymore. I'm sure the law wouldn't have too much trouble finding me to talk to directly, though I hope they never have any reason to. I have never heard of the cops showing up to deliver good news. [knock knock]  "This is Officer Dave. You got the promotion, my partner thinks you're hot, and she wants to go out for coffee. Also, you really did win 10 million dollars and a Lamborghini!" Okay, okay, I'm just being silly now. Clean cup move down!

Well, well, well. How about a deep subject? It took me a long time to discover and understand just how valuable an open mind can be. Yep, yep, yep, minds and parachutes do have that in common, working best when open. Stephen King also wrote it best that the whole getting hit in the face by a pie routine stops being funny when it starts being you. And isn't it good to learn something? I'm not saying you should wholeheartedly embrace anything you feel uncomfortable about, but ridiculing people you know absolutely nothing about elevates your standing by exactly zero. And there are things you just might realize on down the line. Trust me. It can be one hell of an eye opener. Just a thought. Just a thought. There are moments and epiphanies and change. There is simply discovering what was there all along. Remember that figurative precipice? Yeah, I'm still there. But my changing center of gravity kinda has me leaning out farther over that edge. Will I fall, or will I fly? Will I soar to new heights? The day may be coming when I'll have no choice but to find out. Maybe I overestimate my own visibility, but I feel there are a few things that could not have gone unnoticed. At least not by everyone. Clean cup? Move down? Another spot O tea? Okay, how about yet another personal observation? A co-worker probably found religion or whatever. I infer this from a change in the music they loudly play. It used to be people prissing, prancing, and bragging how good they are between the sheets. Now, it's people prissing, prancing, and bragging how good they are with the Lord. I guess even when things change, they stay the same. I never felt the need to boast about the former, letting the involved other do the talking, and I feel no need to brag about the latter for a clearly different reason. Damn, Michael Myers time goes so relentlessly slow. Where is the good Doctor Loomis when you need him to tell Mike to take six of these and that there's no need for a follow-up appointment? I wish my weekends would creep like my weekdays apparently do. I would only be halfway through Saturday by now. Instead, I'm down with a case of acute Mondayitus. It recurs every seven days, and man, is it rough. Not to even mention I must have slept wrong because damn, my neck is killing me. Sometimes, I think the body's job is to punish the mind. It would make sense to me in more ways than one. Anyway, friends, Romans, robots, strangers, and old Jedi masters, this concludes today's session with Doctor Blog-ieo. Sending love and all good things.