How goes the fabric of spacetime? Getting all inverted by gravity and warp velocities I trust? Well, well, be sure to let me know how to build all those equations all into a nice shiny brand new backward time machine. I have a whole lot of things to fix, and I am a few years behind schedule. Decades, really. Story of my life, my eternal friend. Dearest Universe, do you ever ask yourself just how are you going to make it through? I do, and I rarely give myself a useful answer. But, hours pass, days pass, and so far, I've still been here. It is just that the path between points A and B is never as simple and straightforward as it seems on paper. It's a trip through the haunted forest on the yellow brick road. It is a winding, deceptive path through the labyrinth to David Bowie's castle. It is the difference between tracing the map and walking the road. Meanwhile, I've got to deal with the here and the now. Speaking of here and now, some days are longer than others. I've got 3 1/2 hours to find a way to make up at work this week, 2 hours lost due to a quirk with holiday pay, and another hour and a half for seeing the doctor tomorrow. Meanwhile, my brain absolutely refused to shut down until the wee hours of this morning. I am going on 3, maybe 4, hours of sleep, and I don't handle such a situation as well as I did 30 years ago. Nothing to do but power through. It's the only choice I've got. But, man, oh man, am I ever looking forward to seeing my bed again. It's gonna be one joyful reunion. My world is once again fuzzy wuzzy like a bear, and I wish I could hibernate like one, too. My internet went stupid around midnight last night. Usually, when it does that BS, I have to take mine and my father's routers back to Marianna again. Fortunately, it started working again when I got up this morning. Usually, it does not come back when it goes stupid in the wee hours. It's like the jerkwads are being sneaky with their messing me up at 2am. I was surprised to find it working again on its own. I guess there's a first time for everything. I hope it's still working when I get home. I really need to check my bank balance before I see the doctor. I have no insurance, so it's going to be a pretty penny. I intend to rectify my insurance situation soon. These gigantic electric bills have left me with very little leeway. I swear to get all of my ducks in a row someday. But, right now, my situation is frankly all quacked up beyond all duck nations, not to mention Duck Dodgers in the 24th and 1/2 century. Okay, okay, okay, clean cup, anybody? Let's move it on down. Move, Moooooove! Nothing to see here, ladies and gentlemen. This is a classified area. Watch out for landing alien spaceships and runaway mad science experiments.
Something my mother often told me when I was young is "Life is what you make it to be." My teenage angsty self from back then always believed that it is this life that makes you. My (Slightly?) older (Wiser?) self of present day believes a bit differently. Not that I have completely discounted my previous belief. It's more like that both can be true at the same time. Nobody is dealt the same hand. Still, as Kenny Rogers once sang, every hand can be a winner or a loser, and it's all about knowing which cards to hold onto. All I really know is that I know less and less with each new thing I learn, and I'm just along for the ride.. But, who really knows anyway? Maybe if I am as lucky as Bob Barker, I am only halfway through. All I really know for sure is that not all the cards have been turned up yet, and of course, that I miss my momma and my baby sister. I guess that losing them is a strong example of life making me. Momma went through far more than I did and at a much younger age. By the time she was half my current age, she had lost two brothers and the only real father she ever had, as in the one who raised her like a daughter of his own. He was a stepfather, but he was also a real father in all the ways that counted. On the other hand, her biological father, who abandoned her at 3 months old, lived for many more years, but I don't count him. Momma always tried to be a part of his life, anyway, even though he didn't deserve it. I saw that man three times in my life: First time, I was too young to remember. The second time, I was 13 years old. The third time, I was 17, and he was reposed in his casket. It was the only funeral I have ever been to where I felt absolutely nothing at all. It was surreal, no loss at all, absolutely jack shit. He was a stranger to me. To lose something, one has to actually have something in the first place. Wow. There I went again. I guess I went off on another tangent, so getting back to my point, losing Momma, losing Marsha, had its way of making me into the person I am today. So, if I take up Momma's point and ask myself how can I make this current life better, well, there's not much I can really do besides find ways to honor their memory. I restarted this blog when I lost Marsha. As I have said before, this is basically a series of letters to her. I have saved every digital footprint that my baby sister left behind, her writings, videos of the plays she was in, every picture I could find, every memento of our conversations, and if I saved the program data correctly, All of her Sims characters and saved games. I also have, in my amateur html style, built a tribute page to her. It is offline and local for now, but I hope to change that someday. As for Momma, I have long noticed, just how many of her sayings I have repeatedly said to my own kids, and even to myself. There are things I say or do sometimes that I realize, yep, that's my momma. I see both my parents in myself, actually. But it seems in Momma's absence, I see her far more clearly in myself than ever before. Then there is my weird way of subconsciously talking to her when I am on that border between awake and asleep. It is just something I do, without exactly knowing why. Okay. Enough making myself depressed. How about another clean cup move down? Would you join me for a cup of tea?
But don't trouble your pretty little head, dear. I'll get it! Ah, Mrs. Kersh. Both one of funniest and scariest moments of the original "IT" miniseries. Okay, there was one more even funnier moment when Pennywise scares the daylights out of John Ritter, "Kiss me, Fat Boy!" It cracks me up every time. Maybe I'm getting old and set in my ways, but there is no other Pennywise for me but Tim Curry, the original doctor Frankenfurter. The dude also made for a reasonably cool pirate as well. Okay, okay, okay. Clean cup move down. What else? Hmmmmm. My stomach is making noises like an angry demon this morning. Not good. Houston, we have a problem. Red Alert! Battle stations! Raise shields! Load torpedo bays, Phasers on standby! T minus however long and counting. Ladies, Gentlemen, it has been an honor serving with you. Activate the Omega 13. Just please don't let it be an alien. Damn, I knew I shouldn't have ordered the special. "Hello, my honey. Hello, my baby. Hello, my ragtime girl."
I have these sayings from the rare and messed-up pop culture I have picked up over the years. The older I get, the less people get what I am referencing. Soooooo, here's a handy guide:
"I forgot what we were doing, Kremit!" --A stoned Big Bird to a stoned Kermit in an old parody YouTube video. I use this one when I forget something... (Not due to being stoned, but by being middle-aged)
"Yes, way, Ted!" --George Carlin as Rufus. This is my response to "No way!".
"Wasn't me.... Wasn't me" --MC Hawking, A parody of the late great Stephen Hawking while denying gangsta activity. This is my way of saying, "I didn't do it!"
"I cannaduit!" --Scotty. Self-explanatory.
"What in the name of Sir Issac H Newton is going on here?" --Doc Brown aka Christopher Lloyd.
"What the hell?" "Awww, Damn it! "Boy oh boy, I'll tell you whut." --Mike Judge as Tom Anderson.
(various zombie sound effects from Resident Evil, with a few exclamations of "BRAINS!" thrown in.) --Not on purpose. Just how I sound on a work morning with 4 or less hours of sleep. Don't worry, It only means I need caffeine. Zombie, zombie, zombie. Should I choose Zom A. or Zom B? Remove the barriers! I walk now among the living, never sure of which category I belong to. Then I somehow stub my toe. Ouch! Damn it! Yep, I'm alive, alright. However, It seems that Awesome OS is sure taking an awful long time booting up this morning. I'm kind of a zombie, but not really. If I were an actual zombie, I'd go to the library instead of the mall. If my long ago memory of youth serves, that's where all the brainiacs used to hang out. Yep... Brainiacs at the library, and maniacs at the mall. That brings me to my final persona: Hungry Monster, Rawr!!! Ah, yes, the mall. I'd sure love to revisit the record store and the food court. Hear ye, hear ye! Food Court is now in session. I know you've been sworn, sir, and I have read your complaint. Mr. Super Duper Bacon Burger With Onion Rings, you stand here accused of the serious crime of not being in my belly. How do you plead? Be very careful approaching the bench. I'm just like that plant in Little Shop, Staaaaaahvin! (Today's chef salad with ranch was good, but sadly didn't morph into said super duper bacon burger) ( I'm Down 18 pounds in 6 weeks so far) (Dieting is no fun) (Willpower, Willpower, Willpower) (Must.... Stay..... Away..... From..... Sonic....) (But oh how I love their Burgers N Onion Rings!) (Maybe I'll make an exception for my birthday in a couple of weeks) (Has anyone ever seen candles on a burger before?) A very merry burger day that'll be.
The Next Day:
Well, hello again, Universe.
Well, another day, another chef salad. I think my body is starting to believe it to be a scam. It's saying hey! That wasn't a super duper double bacon burger with onion rings! And I'm like, sure it was! I mean, would I lie? I absolutely love this Sonic Ocean Water drink that went with my chef salad. Aside from one little side effect: Blue stained lips. In my best Nixon voice, Let me make this perfectly clear: HAROOO! I promise I'm neither going through a Marilyn Manson phase, nor am I cos-playing as Smurfette. It's just a case of the blues. It's the ocean blues! In other news, I think there may be an intermittent temporal anomaly under my bed. It was only 6-something when I konked out last night, and the next thing I knew, it was time to come back to work. Lack of sleep is one heck of a trip, I tell you whut. Now, the irony of today is still feeling quite zombie-like after all that good sleep I finally got last night. It makes no sense, really. I got about 10 hours, and I feel like I could sleep for 20 more if not for an eternity. It seems to take only one night of my brain refusing to settle down to throw me off balance for weeks to come. The older I get, the more I need my sleep. Without it, I am not quite the well functioning cog in the machinery of society as I should be. I need my Z's. I've got a feeling it's gonna be a long day. My focus is totally foked up, my friends. I've got to pull it together and get the 'ol brain on straight and into gear before it goes off chasing butterflies in the sun. La la la, la la la! Oh, lookie there! Shiny! Where was I? Oh yeah, getting my mind together. Did I already say this was going to be a long day? One thing I need to remember is that today is my father's birthday, and also my doctors appointment day. I think I got the funds to cover it. Then it'll be onto the pharmacy, and a run by my Dad's to give him his birthday card and to let him know I'm thinking about him today. I feel somewhat better since last night's reboot, though I'm still in a semi-zombie state of mind. Heck, I didn't even take the time to download any Doom levels or anime art last night. That tells ya how tired I was. If not that, then my ranting in the above paragraphs might have told you so, too. I'm like an old installation of Windows, quite quirky without a good reboot every now and then. Oh, what am I saying? I'm quite quirky all the time. Just call me Captain Quirk. Are there any beautiful alien babes out there? Never mind the Prime Directive. Damn the photon torpedoes, full speed ahead! There are two songs I honestly wish William Shatner would do a spoken word version to: "Come Sail Away" by STYX and "Closer To Home" by Grand Funk Railroad": "I'm your captain, I'm your captain......" I would laugh my ass off, especially if there were a lot of dramatic pauses. I will say this, To me there are no Jim Kirks before or besides William Shatner.
Later....
I had a great report from my doctor today!
My BP was 120/70, a level I haven't seen for decades and I have lost 20 pounds since my last visit... I hope I can keep on rockin' like this.
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