Working On Me

 Well, I had five days off, and I think I made good use of them. I feel I did quite good around the house. Spent Friday catching up clothes, Saturday working in the yard, Sunday cleaning house, Monday on computer stuff, and back in the yard Tuesday. There are several things around there I can't really do anything about, things that really depress me. But.... I was able to take a big bite out of the things that I could actually do something about. Being off all that time gave me the time and energy to accomplish way more than I usually can. I guess I can at least feel good about myself for not wallowing around and squandering that opportunity away. It's still not perfect and can never be. But it sure looks a hell of a lot better. I cut down a decent portion of that backyard jungle, and I got rid of a lot of junk while I was at it. I guess my MO, figuratively and literally speaking, is cleaning up messes. Not to mention this long period of depression and letting things go. That part is pretty much on me and nobody else. Looking around at what I've accomplished, I at least feel better. Regretting, lamenting, mourning doesn't get much done. Maybe I can motivate myself to do better, even when I'm not off work so much. The battle against entropy never ends. And the way I have let go since last year has given it plenty of opportunity to wear on everything. I think the exercise has done me good too. I seem to feel both physically and mentally better than I have in a long time. Here's hoping, anyway. It is way too easy to get discouraged and just give up on life. Grief really messes with the mind. It is the one thing that is not so easy to let go of. Yet it makes it way too easy to let everything else go, your surroundings, yourself. It is a way to make your whole world melt away into entropy and chaos. It is so easy. It is way too easy. It happened during my divorce, too. It was realizing I was the only parent these kids of mine could count on that pulled me out of that disconnect back then. Losing my sister was a far deeper wound. By then, my kids were almost completely grown up and didn't need me in the way they did before. It is taking me far longer, this time. Losing Momma, watching everything around me fall apart, only added to my depression. I have spent a very long escaping reality whenever I can, living on daydreams, losing myself in computer stuff, anything to distract me from the here and the now. I guess I still do that sometimes. Once a dreamer, always a dreamer, I guess. Upon facing up to reality, I am reminded of certain things I am simply powerless to do anything about. Still, there are things, many things that I can make better if I try. Those five days were proof that yes, even I can make a difference. If I can just give myself that same push going forward, I know it can only benefit me, mentally and physically. I can't really do much about getting older, but I can do much to get my body and my mind in better shape. It only takes effort. I really need to put together a plan. 

Otherwise, Universe, how is everything going? I just wrote out my 571st M-Blu-ray. I wrote my first one back in March of 2015. A lot of the stuff I comitted to disk back then was already several years old. I hope I live long enough to see affordable 5D crystal glass data storage. From what I understand, I could fit everything I have 5 or 6 times on a single disk. And I have been saving stuff since 1990. How else are the mighty space people of the future going to know what's cool? I, the ancient one shall be your guide. Actually, I don't know exactly why I do this other than to preserve the memory of people that I love. I'm sure a lot of the other stuff might be findable elsewhere. Still, I have certain webpages and games from long ago that have been gone from the internet for years, not even mirrored in the archives. Who knows? Maybe I saved something interesting. My motto is "See it, like it, save it". I just assume that it's not going to be there forever. I've probably written about this before, so I shall graciously spare you the long rant. 

Soooooo. What else? Modern washing machines are pieces of junk. I wish I could time travel and buy a brand new Whirlpool from the 1970s. Besides that, I can tell I got a bit of sun over those five days, not enough to burn, but enough to redden. Now I'm all itchy and stuff. Ah, the July sun. Absolutely perfect for sunning mattresses, cushions, and whatnot. But don't be out in it for more than a few minutes unless you wanna look like Mr. Krabbs. Solar power at its finest, I'll tell you whut. It will take the dripping wet clothes my crappy washer refuses to spin out and dry them anyway in just a few hours. I can see why certain people worshiped the thing. It can help you, bless you, or smite the damn daylights outta you, depending on the way you use it. I absolutely love that sun smell on my clothes and furniture. My mother used to sun everything in the house at least a couple of times a year, so it brings back childhood memories. Of course I made it a habit to sun all my stuff once in a while since I long ago moved out. Yeah, I know, I know, another riveting topic. Well, in real life, most forms of excitement aren't good. Believe me, I'd much prefer a boring life to an exciting life. In fact the only exciting life I would ever want is the one portrayed in a 1980s beer commercial. And friends, reality is not a beer commercial. I have opened my fair share of beers over the years and not the first beautiful woman has appeared out of the blue. Ah, Jeannie of the beer can. Sadly, Major Anthony Nelson, I am not. I would have retired from NASA and become Sultan of my own island. Wait what? I have totally clean cup moved down again. Oh, Maryanne? Oh Maryannnnnnne? Where the hell are my damn gloves? And what exactly do you mean by "smoke the monster out"? That sounds kinda sexual. Ah, never mind my ravings!

So, what did I do after my first day back? Well, after getting out of the heat, into the AC, and under my fan, I passed out like an unworldly nun who found herself at a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. While it's good to be guided by the light, that particular light was over at the Frankenstein place. Poor Sister Mary Helen. Sensory freaking overload. Too much, too much. Anyway, that was the shortest night ever. One minute I was dozing in the afternoon's fading light, and the next, my alarm was beeping like R2D2 in an episode of The Osbournes. Yep.. Yep... Time to get ready for work again. Damn it. My life consists of alternating bouts of killing time, followed by major time skips. It's like somebody else has the remote and is trolling the hell out of me with it. Time keeps on slipping. Welcome to the future, humans! Somehow I imagined it differently. Now that I have given up on all expectations, floating from moment to moment, I guess what I had expected matters little. Still. It would be nice if this universe made a little sense once in a while. I guess, maybe, we're going down into madness together. It is always nice to have company on these uncertain journeys, isn't it? Okay, subject change? Clean cup move down? How about more randomness? Okay. Not all minutes and seconds are equal, my friends. I seem to be on Michael Myers' time at the moment. What exactly is that? Michael Myers time is like regular time, except it's hard, difficult, and maybe impossible to kill. Every time you try, he's back with a roman numeral behind him. Do you know the saying that time flies when you're having fun? Yeah, the opposite is true. Time is a creeping creeper when you're not having any fun. It is Michael Freakin Myers. Except that it makes molasses in January look like The Enterprise engaging at Warp 9. Boldly going slower than slow. Maybe I need Doctor Loomis instead of Doctor Blog-ieo. Not that he did much better. 

Here's a random enough thought: Any Star Wars fanfiction writer who names a clonetrooper, "Captain Morgan" is obviously a fan of more than Star Wars. Palpatine to the bartender, "Execute Order Drinky Drink." Good, Good, let the spiced rum flow through you. Unlimited Bar Tab! Sorry, Sir, but you've had enough. It's treason, then.