Someone needs to knock down the outdoor thermostat a few notches. Bam!
Man, is it hot! How hot is it? It's so hot that even the snakes and the gators are taking the day off. The mosquitoes and the yellow flies? Ah, they're on overtime. Welcome to the deep south. Even the devil is like "Sorry, dudes can't stay. Gotta go home and cool off for a while!" It makes saying that it has been one hell of a week quite literal.
Now, on to heavier things.
Last Wednesday, I crossed paths with a coworker. Nothing unusual. We said the same things we usually say when passing one another in the plant. He was the same. I was the same. Then I hear that he died in his sleep that very night. I mean, we weren't necessarily buddies or anything like that, just coworkers. But he was an alright guy. He had a wife and a baby daughter, born just last year. He was so proud of that little girl, showing us pictures of her. And last Wednesday, he seemed to be in good health. And apparently dead that night. Most of us, including myself, We make plans. We have something to do and some other place to be. We mark our calendars. Tomorrow is always another day, until it isn't. I guess we'll always be correct to expect our tomorrows to he there until the day comes that we are wrong. I guess we are only wrong once. Life is a hell of a thing and one hell of a gift. I mean that in all possible ways. I have noticed something else. Not only does the world go on, it doesn't even skip a beat. Maybe I did not see this with Marsha and Momma because if the world didn't stop, I certainly did. I was totally frozen for a while. It was like having a trap door open under my feet, revealing the abyss, falling forever. With my coworker, he was a nice guy. I spoke with him most every day. I feel bad for him and especially for his little girl. His passing was tragic and very sad. My heart goes out to his family. But, since there is no comparison to how my world was shattered in 2022, I am able to observe things now that I was hurting too much to see back then. The world didn't slow down or skip a single beat. My employer put a black ribbon on the door but has made no announcement about this good man's tragic death. Not even one mention of his name. Would it have just been too much work to have printed out a notice and put it on the bulletin board? Doesn't he deserve a mention? A simple acknowledgment? I just don't think that's right that in the week since his untimely passing, not one mention of him has been made. Are we really all so damn disposable? Or worse yet, forgettable? Some things really slam the brakes on my brain. Thoughts of life and mortality, of always having plans for tomorrow, expecting it to be waiting for me there and for always. I guess I take it for granted like the next guy, even when I should know better. But tomorrow is never promised. And I think about a baby girl who'll have to grow up without her father. And for some reason, it just brings back so many thoughts that I have had in the past year and a half... It becomes a remix. There seems to be a recurring theme that I don't like at all. So much that could have been for so many people. And when I close my eyes, it is my sister's face I see.
Sometimes, it takes more than time, and heavy thoughts are all about waiting out the weight. Low tide is only low for so long. Rain is not forever, and storms seem to be far better at moving on than I am. So, I try to take the same advice that I have consistently given to my kids. That the sunshine is waiting on the other side of even the darkest cloud, that the tide will always start rising again after the lowest ebb. That even a storm has its cooling wind to renew the soul. And sometimes it's best to build anew. But no matter how bright or chipper some future day might be, It can never be the same without her. And it seems that since hour zero of day one, my thoughts always circle back to my baby sister. She's a spoke on a wheel, a station on a circular track. If my heart were indeed a wheel, she would be the indelible mark. It always comes back to her, again and again and again. Now I know damn well I am not immortal. If this is a contest of who can live the longest, I have no interest in it. Outliving people is no fun, especially when it is the people I love. And even if it's just somebody I know, it brings my loved ones to the forefront of my mind. I cannot separate the unfairness of life and death from what I have already seen. I just can't do it.
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