The Bigfoot Paradox

This universe and Bigfoot probably have a lot in common. Both are big. Both can be a bit scary. Both can be a bit lonely. Neither are very well understood. You know? People talk and talk about their circles, but how about ellipses, orbits? Because, really that's the truth of human interaction. See, while I can't reasonably expect to be the center of anyone's universe, maybe I can at least hope to be somewhere in their orbit. See orbits can be as elliptical as you want them to be, and the beauty of this is that even if they sometimes separate us by vast distances, they always come back around again, and even a moment of closeness and light is better than drifting between the stars with no light in sight. At the same time? Everybody has the space to be who they want to be. See? As big as this universe is, one would think we could each and every one, have our own little corner where everything makes sense. And what goes for me does not absolutely positively have to be what goes for you. See, since I am kinda old, let me tell you a story about the olden days. Once upon a time in an enchanted land of cookies, elves and magic, people could have different opinions and beliefs, yet still be close friends. Now I can hear folks asking, How were they able to pick a bubble to belong to? Well, you see, lads and lasses, back in my day, the only bubbles were Mr. Bubble for the bathtub, and the ones in those bottles you could send sailing into the breeze while watching the sunlight glint off them until they go 'pop!'. It was actually good clean fun. But that was long ago. So many things have changed. But not everything. None of this chaos is new. This world may be going insane, but it's not in the way a lot of folks think it is. There is nothing new under the sun. There is nothing new in the shadows, either. It has always been there. They have always been there. We have always been there. The only difference between now and then is what you can see. While I am sure there have been some genuine monsters under beds and in closets, There were also cases where it was the humans hiding in the shadows, under beds, and in closets from the real monsters outside. And these monsters didn't even realize they were monsters. Point of view is everything, and there is nothing quite as frightening as to be called out as a human being, to have your refuge ripped from you, to have your vulnerability exposed to the world, surrounded by monsters who think they are human. That was the insanity of the past. And depending on where you were in time, the crime of not thinking or being like all the others could indeed be severe. Yes, Yes, this world may be going to hell in a hand basket, but it's pretty much been at the very gates since the beginning of time. Do you know what my definition of good is? It is treating all of our fellow creatures with kindness. It is never wanting to inflict pain upon any living being that can feel it. It is about having compassion. It is about trying to find understanding when you can, and leaving in peace all that does no harm.  So what is evil? Evil is the closed minded belief that everybody should fit your world, your mold, and the role you want them to play, and (If they refuse) charging in with your righteous army because God wills it. After all, everything should be THIS way, and we are all commanded to never suffer witches or monsters to live. It is ironic to see those who comment on a situation they know absolutely nothing about, accusing others of 'pretending' while they're the ones with the imaginary friend. Irony is ironic when it doesn't even occur to the one being ironic. Geesh! Okay: Here is the deal: I won't ridicule your religion if you quit ridiculing your fellow human beings for trying to be themselves. Otherwise, let the laugh in begin! Happy Light Day, folks. No, there is nothing new under the sun. There's just been a lot of human beings in hiding. Could you really blame them? Yes, This universe and Bigfoot definitely have a lot in common. Both are big. Both can be a bit scary. Both can be a bit lonely. Neither are very well understood. This is true for me and a lot of other human beings as well. Clean cup, move down?

I have a favorite wallpaper, An image of deep space known as the Hubble Deep Field. I use it as the background of all of my homegrown HTML. Almost every point of light in that image is not a single star, but whole galaxies, Billions of light years away. Before I even talk about the distances, there is the thought that many of those galaxies are just as big as this one, containing countless stars, probably innumerable planets... What would the law of averages tell you about the possibilities of life? Even so, so far away that we could never possibly know about it. But besides all of that. Do you know what I think about the most when I look at that image? I think about that photon leaving that galaxy so long ago, traversing across the vastness.. Billions of years. However, it is my understanding that time does not move for that photon. At the speed of light, The universe has the pause button pressed, so to speak. I mean I am not a scientist. I drive a forklift for a living. Still, science has always been a hobby. I do not really claim to know anything, as I am just basing things on what I've read. And, from that I get this picture of that little photon... Well Is light a particle or a wave? I guess by observing we collapse the wave and get the particle... Aka the photon.. In a pure instantaneous journey, many normal lives have come and gone. Species and empires have risen and fallen. Stars were born and stars have exploded. Yet from that point of light, not even a split second had passed until it slammed into that lens or whatever. Then kaboom... Billions of years. Now that was not the last photon to leave that galaxy.. I would guess there has been a steady stream of them since that particular star in that particular galaxy was born. There are many on the way.. And for them everything was nothing at all... Countless points of light that will certainly find me long gone, probably long forgotten too. Maybe some of them will never strike any objects and continue onward for darned near forever... Stretched by space, red shifting more and more, Frequencies lowering to infrared and then microwaves.. Still going... For so long that even all of eternity was nothing at all.  Nothing at all. These are the thoughts I sometimes have... And yeah, maybe my thought process is weird. Maybe? Come on! Let's be honest here.  It certainly is weird because, hey! So am I. I know I have said this before, But since the closest star is 4 light years away, All starlight I see is from a time when my baby sister was still alive. All the stars therefore shine in her name, and will so for at least 2 years more. And it is comforting in a strange sort of way... All of this (Even death) is nothing from a certain point of view. And I haven't even gotten into what I have read about the effect of motion on time. On how now is yesterday from a certain point of view, on how now is far into the future from another point of view. And... If you flip the dimensions just right, now is forever and ever. (Or never ever). Cut across the universe a certain way, and she is eternal. Of course all of this is theory that we normal human beings can never really experience for ourselves, at least in this life.. Maybe none of this matters. But I'll say that when the day to day continues to be on the soul crushing edge of the spectrum, It can be a comfort... That one can, at least in a mental realm, consider the many examples where none of this matters at all. It is a bit like stepping out of time without being able to step out of time.

Time and change. Isn't that what living long enough is all about? Distance can be measured in both space and time. I think I have moved much farther in time than I have in space. For example, I live less than a quarter mile from where I grew up, But that place is surely a long distance away in time.  If that's not enough, then so is the person I once was. Long gone, faded into that distance. We are not the same. I am truly someone else. Not a good person turning "Evil" or anything like that. Although several of my core beliefs of the past have done a complete 180, reversed, And maybe I've learned to let go of a few concepts that I nowadays see as flawed, misguided, and totally wrong. Well, I guess Chancellor Palpatine did say good is a point of view. So, maybe judging by those standards, past me, blind me, ignorant me, might consider me to be. More likely, looking back, remembering that tired old thought process I used to have, I would probably see someone like my current self as being silly or crazy. Funny thing about silly and crazy. It's not so silly and not so crazy when it becomes you and you find yourself standing in a place where you never thought you'd be.  That age old question "How the Hell did I get here?" rarely bodes well.  Though I guess mentally would be better than physically. Fortunately with me it is the former.  But the thing is that an open mind is a mind in motion.  If you don't hold fast to what can be disproved by experience, If you allow the possibility for change, Then it is inevitable. Sometimes small changes. Sometimes epic and major. It's gonna move. Maybe a little. Maybe a lot.  The pursuit of knowledge is a series of discoveries, one leading to another, to another and yet another..  You start out in this limited dimension - Limited by preconceptions, and not only your own but from those of others. As you discover the world around and as you discover yourself, barriers and blinds fall away. Realizations are kind of like dominoes: One can remove the barriers to more. The blinders fall and you begin to see. Step by step by step, You get to know the world without and the soul within. This has nothing to do with religion or the lack thereof. Soul means the true self, the one you come to know over time.   For me, it all started with a simple one dimensional truth. That was the core. With time and understanding, layers were added and the number of aspects grew. What began as a simple feeling became truth.  Believe me when I say there is nothing else that it could be. This wasn't something that just happened overnight. It took many of those realizations and baby steps to get to where I am right now. It is not every day one reaches an epiphany that challenges their very core of being.  What was I to do? It was my idea at the time to either prove or disprove this truth that became so obvious. So I began to test that truth by going back over certain events of my life, Certain aspects of my self and soul.  Instead of disproving that truth, each journey has lead to discovery, of different points of view of different harmonics that resonate in the same way, it's like going through all these equations and coming up with the exact same answer. Not just most of the time, but all of them.  Can you even imagine? Every single time!  If there was a small part of me that wanted to prove them wrong, then I have failed. However, I have never known failure to bring such levels of joy to my heart. Such joy, such hope, such longing, Yet also fear and dread... For any way forward I might to decide to take. With option one, as in the status quo, I know I could never be happy. I feel like I am following a script that somebody else wrote. It was one thing back when I was ignorant of the truth. After all, I knew something was simply not jiving, but did not know exactly what or why.  Funny how I look back now and I see the many obvious clues that were all around me. But anyway, since that epiphany I had in the spring of 2019, Ignorance has not been an option. You see, knowledge is far more than power. Knowledge mixed with inaction can be a trap, a prison, a total HELL, because it means you must actually do something about it.  And so... in what lead to this bit of status quo, I took a lot of small steps. Minor things, maybe a moderate one or two depending on point of view. Sure, I could continue to present that same old false image to the world and the people around me. But to tell the same lie to myself? I couldn't do that anymore. So I have done my best to at least be true to myself, and maybe just maybe, project a bit of that truth outward, even if it was so subtle that few would ever get what it is or (for that matter) what I am about. But the problem is that the more time passes, the less patience and tolerance for that subtlety I have. So what was once subtle has become less and less so. It is a wonder it's not so obvious as a neon sign above me by now. Who knows? Maybe it actually is. It's like the sun rising. We do not go from night to day in a single second. The light increases gradually and you just look around and suddenly realize it's daytime. Still, I could be a heck of a lot more obvious.  Small steps were good at first. These days, they're not enough. Therein lies my problem. Maybe skydiving would be a good metaphor. I am standing at the door of that perfectly good airplane. I am miserable on that plane. I know I'd be much happier if I were free of it. But I am scared to death to take that one step that I can't walk back. Once out can't I get back on that aircraft.  What's more is that even when the chute opens and I slowly drift down, people will be able to look up and see, that yes it is me.  And as they say, minds and parachutes work much better when open. And even if the latter does what it is supposed to, what about the former?  In other words this is one Hell of a big step. And both options of taking it or not taking it scare me for different reasons. Inaction when you know is a hell of its own. The uncertainty of maybe making the biggest splash of your life? Serenity, peace, and maybe a moment in time. I don't think it is too much to ask or any less than what I deserve. The alarm goes off and I drag myself out of my warm and comfortable bed. I get up, I get ready, and I go. I do most of the things I am expected to do. I play the role that life has given me, Even when I am not exactly comfortable or happy with it. This doesn't matter if the end of each day might could make up for it. All I am asking is just a little bit of time to be at peace, to be myself, in the sanctuary that is my home. Nobody has to understand. I'll jump through all these crazy hoops the world requires of me. I'll face the day, Even though it is so hard to do sometimes. Just make that beautiful sunset at the end of the day be my beacon, my joy, my chance to be who I know I am. I am not out to make any purposeful splash, rock the boat, upset the apple cart, or whatever. I am not out to butt in, change anyone's mind, or force my core beliefs on anyone else. I only ask that I be left in that same sort of peace.