Dancing Skeletons In The Walk In Closet

 

I honestly believe everybody (figuratively speaking) has at least one skeleton in their closet. Some of us have the entire army of darkness, plus that entire musical number from "The Corpse Bride." I'm not saying it's me. Now, where the hell is my blue shirt? (skeletal hand reaches out with said shirt) "Here ya go, pal!" Oh, thanks. "No problem, buddy!" (skeletal voice responds) Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, it's definitely not me. Did you know? The one saving grace about being caught out in the storm with no rescue in sight is the cooling summer rain. Guess there's always a bright side even when you can't see the sun. I guess I'm just missing the people I love. It's no different from any other day. Yet it kinda is. Maybe it's still getting over the second Mother's Day without Momma around. Maybe it's big rich Elon talking about taking down inactive Twitter accounts, as in Marsha's. Maybe it's long term grief or just the regular average everyday blues. Hell, I don't know. This old heart of mine does not always reveal its secrets, not even to me. All I know is I need a pick-me-up. A nice non chemical pick-me-up, though what that is, I couldn't even begin to know. "Maybe you could go for ice cream after work." That's a good idea, Jacques. "Well, here's your shirt, pal. Gotta get back to that poker game with the guys." (Skeletal hand gives me my shirt and disappears behind the rest of the clothes). I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say here. Okay, that's not true. I do. The big question is in how to say it. No worries, nothing too specific. I'm not my life story with too many grim or gritty details. It's just something I sometimes wonder if other people experience in the same way I do. You know life is quite a long road. Interpersonal relationships are complicated, man. And when you try to zoom out and contemplate the whole thing, better have a cooling fan on the 'ol CPU. Life stretches behind me a long way. There is so much I have forgotten. Whether this is from getting older or on purpose, I'm not really sure. Maybe it's a little of both. It's like there are a few chapters of my life that I'm only left with the Reader's Digest Condensed Books / Cliff Notes version. And every now and then, I am reminded of a paragraph or two from those forgotten passages. Now, second guessing and self-doubt is nothing new to me. I have relived the past through and through, again and again, asking myself if I did right. Again and again, I conclude that I did the best I could under the circumstances, that my heart was always in the right place, especially regarding the people I love. But the thing is, I will never be satisfied with that conclusion. And with that, I further conclude that the mind and the heart are just bound to disagree, and that we sometimes move on with our lives (not because the last chapter was completed as we wanted it to be) but because it is the only choice left to us. Friends, Romans, strangers, and robots, this is who I am, here in text form for all who may find it, mostly in black and white, with the rest between the lines for those who wish to see. As much as I'd like to just pour out my heart and soul elsewhere, it's probably not a good idea at all. Here, you get the truth of me in all of its realness, the good, the bad, and the unedited. This is the world as seen through the lens of myself. Who knows? Maybe these ramblings will be of use to someone, especially someone who may be struggling. It might mean something to know you are not alone. Even when I am gone from the universe, I will still be here in these words, bidding a special welcome to all kindred spirits. I am sending my love to you across the miles and the decades, from every heartbeat, in every language. May we all find peace and shelter from this never-ending storm. 

Time is relentless. It shows absolutely no mercy. Time makes everything fall apart. It's like the rock band Kansas sang, "All we are is dust in the wind." dude. My Bill And Ted influence is totally showing, isn't it? Oh well. Iron Maiden? Excellent!

Ever have a ton of things to do, but the hour is late and you're just too tired? That's me right now...

 

I mean..... 

 

Literally speaking = today, 

 

Figuratively speaking = these last few years. 

 

Life really needs a pause button. I'd be even happier with rewind. It's like that song, "Time" by Pink Floyd. When you're young it seems you have forever. But those seconds and minutes speed up with every year. By the time you're my age you feel like George Jetson caught in that crazy treadmill. Welcome to the future. No flying cars but we have flying time. The tough part one realizes is that life is not a story or a movie where everything is resolved by the time the credits roll. In fact, we don't even get a credits screen. Some things remain undone. Some things remain unresolved. Nobody leaves here with an empty inbox. Nobody has dotted all their i's or crossed all their t's. Nobody's ducks are in a perfect row.

 

Therefore I keep my bucket list short, my similarly sounding list long, and I do my best to tell the people I love that I (well) love them. Sometimes it is all we need to hear to power through. I hear you. I understand. (Or I don't understand but I do care) your feelings are valid and matter and yes... even a simple hello.

 

Goodnight Universe. I wish you well.