2022 continues it's reign.. And Rain. And does it ever pour. Heck, It actually storms. Really it has been a series of storms that follow the others far too soon to even get dry from the previous one. There have really been only two flavors: Bitter and Bittersweet.
My father managed to fall and break his leg pretty bad last weekend. I'm afraid it's going to take him a long time to heal from this. I tell ya, this family has sure had it rough this year.
Last Thursday, I took a vacation day, told my driving anxiety to go take a hike, and hit the road for Tallahassee. I went because my brother-in-law is moving and it was my one chance to pick up my baby sister's stuff, and so many things she really put her heart and soul into. My brother-in-law kindly took me out to lunch and we were able to talk and catch up. It was shortly before the lunch rush that I began that long drive back home. It was a very strange drive home. Normally driving in heavy traffic in places I'm not used to tends to turn my anxiety up to 11 on a scale of 1 to 10. It certainly did on the way over there. I just kept telling my anxiety that morning that this drive is for Marsha and to just shut up already. But on the way back I felt uncharacteristically calm. I can't exactly explain it other than just having a feeling that she was in the car with me. I know how crazy that must sound. I suppose in a way she was.
I think I now have most of her plays from both high school and college. I also believe I have her saved games and characters for The Sims. She really loved that game and put a lot of time into building those worlds. It is my intention to preserve everything that can be backed up digitally for all time. I am very passionate about making sure that everything my baby sister built with her heart and soul will never be forgotten, never go away. Maybe a psychologist would say I am saving all of this because I couldn't save her. Maybe, I don't know. My sister is (I just can't say was) a very beautiful person with a very beautiful soul. She deserves better than to be forgotten. I know the people who love her as I do would never forget her. Still.. Why should she live only in our memories? It just does not seem fair. So, I am going to make sure that there will always be a place where everything that she loved can be brought together and provide a legacy that will never go away. I want to find a way for this to be so even long after I, myself am gone from this earth. I cannot explain this feeling even to myself, so I won't even attempt so in these words here. All I will say is that when I love somebody, there is no past tense. I do not say loved. I say love. As in now and forever. Or at least for as long as I am capable of putting two thoughts together. I will not "Let go" and I will not "Move on". I just have to learn to accept that there will be missing pieces to the puzzle of my heart and soul for the rest of my life. I love her. I never say "loved".
So now I am in the process of backing up everything in such a way that it hopefully won't be lost. In the meantime I've got to make a living. I've gotta keep my mind in the here and now at least sometimes. I am waiting on news about my father. 2022 has been cruel enough to take my sister and my mother from me. Now my one remaining parent on this earth who I want to see happy and healthy has quite a serious injury. 2022 just ain't stopping. While I don't like to talk about politics (I lean one way socially and the opposite way economically) This damned inflation is making things even rougher. My employer is stingy as hell with pay and with raises. Inflation ain't so bad when wages keep up with it.. But where I work? Dream on. Not happening. I burned a lot of gas on my trip to Tally and back. Cupboard's getting bare again and I'll need to buy groceries later in the week. Those bills keep rolling in. The Bug Man went up $5, citing rising expenses. Well, what about my rising expenses? I'm probably going to have to go into the red just to cover this month's bills. Hopefully I will be able to regain some sort of financial balance soon thereafter.
There is just a lot going on in my life and I honestly hope people will understand if I have not been exactly at my best.. Given time, I know I will be back like Ahhhnold, Kick ass like the Son Of Mogh, and be able to rock and roll like any 80's Glam Rock Band ever...
As a different take on a certain song goes,
Just a little more time is all I'm asking for.
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